Agave Mythology and Pulque Folk Tales

Mesomaerican legends, including Mayahuel and Ehécatl’s doomed love, drunk Tlacuache the possum and 400 rabbits suckled on pulque.

Mesoamerican myths are pretty crazy. Take the fertility goddess Mayahuel, who lactated pulque, which intoxicated the 400 rabbits she gave birth to.

Aside from being a source of sustenance, the agave, or maguey as it’s referred to in Mexico, was revered and respected as a sacred plant by the ancient peoples of Mesoamerica. 

The desert succulent is distinguished by a rosette of strong fleshy leaves that radiate from the center of the plant. Fibers from its tough spiny leaves were used to make rope or fabric for clothing, and the barbed tips made excellent sewing needles. Devotees and priests would pierce their earlobes, tongues or genitals with the thorns and collect the blood as an offering to the gods. An antiseptic poultice of maguey sap and salt was used in traditional medicine and applied to wounds. The plant is also the source of pulque, a beverage made from its fermented sap, and many years later, distilled as mezcal and tequila. 

Agave being used to treat a head wound

As a final act, the maguey poetically blooms in the final throes of its life cycle. A mutant asparagus-like stalk emerges from the center of the plant, reaching 25 to 40 feet high before it flowers and dies. 

Drink of the Gods

In Aztec times, the milky and sour mildly alcoholic beverage was highly prized and strictly limited to consumption by a select few, including priests, pregnant women, the elderly and tributes offered up for ritual sacrifice. The priests believed that the resulting intoxication put them in an altered state and allowed them to communicate directly with the gods. The consequences of illegally imbibing outside of this group were so serious that the convicted faced death by strangulation. 

So what are the myths and folklore stories about agave and pulque? As with myths around the world, there are multiple variations, and while researching stories about agave I found myself falling down a rabbit hole. I couldn’t quite decide what the definitive versions were, so here are my interpretations.

The gorgeous (personally we don’t see it) Mayahuel was rescued from her evil grandmother, then torn apart and fed to demons, before eventually becoming the first agave.

The Legend of Mayahuel, Whose Lovely Bones Became the First Agave

When the universe as we know it was formed, so too was a ferocious and bloodthirsty race of light-devouring demons known as tzitzimime. It was said that life ebbed from their fleshless female forms. They were easily recognizable by their shiny black hair, skeletal limbs ending in clawed hands, and blood red tongues resembling a sacrificial knife wagging from their gaping maws. Their wide-open starry eyes allowed them to see through the darkness. 

The tzitzimime were ferocious demons who sucked light and life from this world.

These monstrous beings ruled over the night sky and wore gruesome necklaces loaded with severed human hands and hearts — trophies from the steady diet of human sacrifices required to appease them. 

The tzitzimime cloaked the earth in darkness, and in return for ritual bloodshed, permitted the sun to rise and move across the sky. It’s a fair guess to say that a large number of lives were lost, as the Aztecs believed that if darkness won, the sun would be lost forever, the world would end, and the tzitzimime would descend from the skies and gobble up humankind. 

The tzitzimime demons were insatiable for sacrifices of human blood.

Hidden in the sky among the tzitzimime was a beautiful young maiden by the name of Mayahuel. Mayahuel was imprisoned by her grandmother, Tzitzímitl, the oldest and most malevolent demoness of the brood.

Tzitzímitl’s insatiable desire for human sacrifice angered Ehécatl, the god of wind and rain. 

One evening he rose up into the night sky to confront her, but instead discovered Mayahuel. Struck by her beauty, he immediately fell in love and convinced her to descend from the heavens to become his paramour. 

Ehécatl, god of wind and rain, tried his best to save poor Mayahuel from Tzitzimitl.

When Tzitzímitl discovered that Mayahuel was missing, she exploded into a violent rage and commanded her demon servants to find her granddaughter. The pair assumed the form of trees and stood side by side so that their leaves would caress one another whenever the wind blew.

Time passed, but their disguise was no match for the furious Tzitzímitl. The sky turned gray with clouds that heralded a major storm, followed by lightning and thunder. When the evil spirit finally found Mayahuel, she tore her from the ground and fed her to her legions of tzitzimime. 

The skeletal demoness Tzitzímitl with her necklace of severed human hearts and hands

Ehécatl was unharmed. He avenged Mayahuel’s death by killing Tzitzímitl and returned light to the world. Still overcome with grief, he gathered the bones of his beloved and buried them in a field. As his tears saturated the arid soil, Mayahuel’s remains transformed and emerged from the earth as the first agave. After getting a taste of the elixir that came from the plant, Ehécatl decided to share his creation with humankind. 

For some reason, the possum god Tlacuache was responsible for creating the course of rivers. They’re curvy because he got drunk on pulque.

The Tale of Tlacuache: Why a River Runs Its Course

Another Mesoamerican tale connects pulque with the creation of rivers. According to the story, Tlacuache, a possum god, was responsible for assigning the course of rivers. While going about his day foraging for food, he happened upon an agave. Using his human-like hands, he dug into one of its leathery leaves. A sweet honeyed sap oozed from the cuts, and Tlacuache stuck his snout into the maguey and lapped up the liquid with glee. 

After having his fill, he returned to his den and dreamt of returning to the plant the next day. Tlacuache had a remarkable talent for finding food and remembering exactly where it was found. What he didn’t know, though, is that the nectar had fermented overnight and now contained alcohol. The marsupial accidentally overindulged and became intoxicated. Finding himself disoriented, he stumbled and wandered this way and that, until he eventually found his way home. 

Over time, Tlacuache’s circuitous meandering was reflected in his work. Any river in Mexico that bends or doesn’t follow a straight line was due to Tlacuache drinking pulque and plotting the river’s course while he was tipsy. In fact, some say he was the very first drunk.

Suck on this: The fertility goddess Mayahuel didn’t have milk in her breasts — she had pulque.

Pulque Breast Milk and being drunk as 400 Rabbits

Last but not least is the fantastical story of the mythical 400 drunken rabbits whose behavior even Beatrix Potter would have found excessive. 

In Aztec mythology, Patecatl was the Lord of 13 Days and the credited discoverer of the squat psychedelic peyote cactus. One evening, he and Mayahuel, who in this story is a fertility goddess, had a no-strings-attached tryst, resulting in an unusual pregnancy. Months later, the proud mother bore a litter of 400 fluffy little bunnies. 

Naturally, being the goddess of the agave, Mayahuel’s multiple breasts lactated pulque, which she used to nourish her children. It’s safe to say that her divine offspring didn’t understand the concept of moderation and were frequently found in various states of inebriation. 

Mayahuel had a one-night stand with the Lord of 13 Days — and ended up having a litter of 400 rabbits!

The 400 rabbits each depict a different stage of inebriation.

The siblings were known as the Centzon Totochtin and represented the varying degrees of intoxication one can attain while under the influence of alcohol. One of the children, Ometochtli (Two Rabbit), a god who represented duality, was associated with that initial burst of courage that comes after a couple of drinks. Conversations feel more important, and everyone around you becomes more attractive. His brother Macuiltochtli (Five Rabbit) was one of the gods of excess — the equivalent of having too much of a good thing, and waking up the next day with a pounding headache. 

Ometochtli, or Two Rabbit, was the god of the courage you get after a couple of drinks — and the start of beer-goggling.

This fellow is going to regret being like Macuiltochtli, or Five Rabbit, and drinking to excess. He’s gonna be hungover tomorrow.

If you’re drunk as 400 rabbits, you’re beyond wasted.

For the Aztecs, the concept of infinity started at 400. A couple of drinks is OK; consuming your body weight in booze not so much. Moral of the story: If you drink more than you can handle, whether you’re a small animal or otherwise, you’ll be carried away by a colony of 400 rabbits. –Duke

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Learn How Mezcal Gets Made

Another drink made from the agave, mezcal is much more artisanal than tequila, with numerous factors influencing the taste of each batch — and that’s what makes it so interesting.

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Animal Symbolism in Pre-Columbian Pottery at the Museo Nacional de Antropología

The meanings behind monkeys, jaguars, ducks, bats, dogs and other animals in Mesoamerican myths as depicted in pre-Columbian artifacts at the National Museum of Anthropology in Mexico City.

A lot of the exhibits at the National Museum of Anthropology in CDMX depict animals — each of which held symbolic meaning for the ancient peoples of Mexico.

Something that’s always fascinated me about ancient cultures are the similarities in beliefs with other civilizations around the world. Despite being oceans apart, many shared highly developed civilizations and a deep reverence for the natural world. 

We saw this in action during our last visit to Mexico City, when we finally made it to the Museo Nacional de Antropología. The scale and scope of the galleries at the museum is dizzying. Wally and I don’t like to overdo it, so we spent half a day just wandering through the first floor. One of the highlights for me was the large number and variety of Mesoamerican animal-shaped effigy vessels on display. Like other ancient societies, the pre-Columbian peoples believed that certain animals embodied a spiritual energy in which sacred beings manifested themselves. 

“Conquistadors developed such an appetite for Xoloitzcuintli Mexican hairless dogs that they nearly ate them into extinction. ”

These ritual objects were not used in everyday life; they were often placed in tombs as burial goods. Animals played a key role at all levels of society and symbolically linked the three cosmic realms of the universe: the heavens, earth and underworld.

Aztec cosmology posited that time is cyclical — and that we’re in the Fifth Sun, the final cycle of the world.

Here Comes the (Fifth) Sun

According to the Aztec legend of the Fifth Sun, time is cyclical. Four suns, or eras, have passed, created by a different deity and successively destroyed. Each cycle included inhabitants who died or transformed into various creatures, including monkeys, turkeys, dogs and fish. Our present world happens to be the Fifth Sun. 

Brightly colored feathers were used in religious ceremonies.

The pre-Columbian people used animals for a variety of purposes. Parrots and macaws, for example, provided a source of food as well as prized blue-green plumage used to adorn headdresses. However, animals also held great symbolic significance. They served as cultural and cosmic metaphors based on their habitat and natural features. 

Ducks were particularly holy to Mesoamericans, as they moved between three realms: water, the sky and land.

Just Ducky

Birds symbolized the celestial realm, the sun and moon in particular, and were considered messengers between the natural and spiritual worlds. 

Ducks were particularly holy, perhaps because they ticked all the boxes: They can fly, walk on land and dive underwater, possessing the ability to travel freely between these different spheres. 

Ducks and related birds were also associated with the wind god Ehécatl (pronounced “Eh-heh-ka-tul”), one of the avatars of Quetzacoatl, the great plumed serpent. The deity was frequently portrayed with a duckbill-like appendage on his face, which he used to summon the winds. 

The Maya considered bodies of water to be pathways to the Underworld. Ducks and other waterfowl were ritualistically sacrificed, eaten and used to ward off demons.

This little guy represents a coatimundi, which figures in a Mayan myth that involved a decapitated head in the Underworld.

Coati Encounters of the First Kind

The coatimundi, or coati, are members of the raccoon family. They have distinct mask-like markings on their faces, resembling a combination of kinkajou, anteater, raccoon and bear cub. 

In the Popol Vuh, the sacred text of the Maya, a bat rips off the head of Hunahpu, one of the Hero Twins, and takes it to the ball court of Xibalbá (the Underworld) to be used in place of a rubber ball. A coati fashions a fake head from a calabash squash and places it on the shoulders of the headless hero. Hanapu’s brother Xbalanque places Hanapu’s head back on his shoulders, and the brothers succeed in defeating the Lords of Xibalbá.

Monkeys represented the good (luck and joy) and the bad (immorality).

Monkeys: Sacred Simians 

Spider and howler monkeys are the two most common species native to the tropical lowlands of Mexico. Playful and social in nature, these nimble primates live in the high forest canopy and are mankind’s closest living relative. They were symbols of good fortune and joy, as well as pleasure and immorality — the latter of which was punishable by death. Monkeys were domesticated and kept as pets by both Zapotec and Aztec nobility and weren’t used for food or sacrifice. 

The “leftovers” of the Second Sun cycle of the universe were turned into jabbering monkeys.

Ehecatl, the Aztec god of the wind, was associated with monkeys.

Monkeys were also associated with the Aztec wind god Ehécatl. According to the legend of the Fifth Sun, the disobedient survivors of the Second Sun, whose cataclysmic end included hurricanes and floods, were transformed into monkeys by Ehécatl. Deprived of the ability to speak, they were condemned to emit meaningless noises for the rest of their existence. 

A person’s spirit would hold onto a Xoloitzcuintli dog’s tail to be guided through the Underworld.

Dogs Truly Are Man’s Best Friend

Before the Chihuahua became the most popular dog breed from Mexico, there was the hairless Xoloitzcuintli (pronounced “Show-low-eats-queent-lee”). This breed got its name from Xolotl, the god of lightning and death, and itzcuintli, dog. To the ancient Aztec and Maya, the canine was created by Xolotl to guard the living and guide the souls of the dead through the perils of Mictlán, the Underworld. Deceased souls held onto the dogs’ tails as they led their owners through the afterlife. They were also bred as a source of food — in fact, the conquistadors developed such an appetite for them that they nearly ate them into extinction. 

The most common depictions of Xoloitzcuintles take the form of small ceramic vessels known as Colima dogs for the modern state of Mexico where they are commonly found. More than a few of these red clay objects are depicted with chubby bodies — this may be an indication that they were fattened up to be eaten.

Frida Khalo and Diego Rivera owned a brood of Xolos, and Wally and I saw a few sunning themselves at el Museo Dolores Olmedo, which houses a large collection of works by this famous duo.

Grasshoppers were associated with agriculture and fertility — but could also mean destruction.

The Grasshopper: the Insect That Sings for Its Supper

The name of Chapultepec Park, where the Museo Nacional de Antropología is located, comes from Náhuatl for “Hill of the Grasshopper.” This hill rises from the center of the park, was a sacred place for the Aztec and is where Chapultepec Castle stands. 

Grasshoppers were associated with agriculture and fertility and were associated with the period following the annual rainfall, which brought an abundance of the insects. 

In addition to their symbolic importance, the Aztec snacked on chapulines, cooking them on clay surfaces with spices. 

To the Mexica, they represented the duality of abundance vs. destruction: Drought triggers the solitary grasshopper to become social, changing color from green to yellow and black. Under such conditions, they move in swarms, devouring crops and vegetation.

Bats were paired with the Underworld, which was accessible via the caves they live in.

Bats Out of Hell

Bats are nocturnal creatures that travel the sky by night and hide in caves by day, which Mesoamericans believed were portals to the Underworld. 

The stuck-out tongue on this bat statue hinted at the creature’s blood-sucking nature and connected it to the practice of human sacrifice.

The Zapotec venerated the god Camazotz, who had the head of a bat and was associated with night, death and sacrifice. Most likely due to the sanguinary diet of the vampire bat, native to most regions of Mexico, where it feeds on the blood of mammals, the creature became associated with rites of bloodletting and human sacrifice practiced to honor the gods and secure bountiful harvests. 

A common symbol in ancient Mesoamerica, the jaguar was linked to power and protection from evil.

Jaguars Hit the Spot(s)

The jaguar was one of the most important sacred symbols of power, ferocity and protection from evil. According to Mexica lore, a jaguar and an eagle both sacrificed themselves to bring light to the world, and in doing so became gods. 

Jaguars were believed to have the ability to travel between the worlds.

The Maya connected the jaguar’s spots with heavenly lights.

The jaguar is closely associated with the “night sun” (the sun during its nightly trip through the Underworld) and darkness as well. As such, the big cat was thought to have the ability to move between the worlds of the living and the dead. The Maya venerated the feline, seeing heavenly lights in its spots. –Duke

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RELATED: Death Cults of Ancient Mexico

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Ancient Egyptian Words You Should Know

Do you know your ba from your ka? What’s a vizier? How about a cartouche? Our handy glossary of Ancient Egyptian terms will have you speaking like a pharaoh in no time.

How many Ancient Egyptian terms can you spot in this image?

The terms we use to describe the religion, history and artifacts of Ancient Egypt are a strange mishmash of words that have French, Greek, English, Arabic — and yes, sometimes even Egyptian — origins.

Talk Like an Egyptian 

As you read more about the fascinating and complex world of Ancient Egypt, it helps to familiarize yourself with the terms that come up the most often. It’s probably a good idea to bookmark this page for easy reference — especially if you’re considering a visit. 🤗 

ankh: The hieroglyphic symbol for life, similar to a cross but with a loop in place of the upper arm. It was especially popular in jewellery and on temple carvings, where it was held in the hands of deities or being given by them to the pharaoh, to represent their power to sustain life and to revive human souls in the afterlife.

atef: The atef crown was made up of the White Crown of Upper Egypt with red ostrich feathers on either side. It was worn by the god of the underworld, Osiris.

ba: The ba is, essentially, the concept of the soul. Depicted as a bird with a human head, it could leave a person’s tomb to fly about. 

barque: These thin boats that curve up at either end were the transports of the gods, especially during festival processions. In temple sanctuaries, models of barques held statues of a deity. When a pharaoh died, a barque would transport them on their way to becoming a god.

Book of the Dead: This is the modern name ascribed to a collection of 200 hymns, rituals and spells that allowed the deceased to travel safely through the underworld and enter the afterlife. Ancient Egyptians knew it as the Spells for Going Forth by Day.

canopic jars: Four containers used to store the preserved internal organs of the deceased (the lungs, stomach, liver and intestines) extracted during the mummification process. Each jar was topped with the head of one of the god Horus’ sons.

cartouche: The oval frame that surrounds the name of a king, queen or god in inscriptions.

Coffin Texts: Collected during the First Intermediate Period, around 2134-2040 BCE, these 1,185 incantations and other forms of religious writing were inscribed on coffins to help the deceased navigate the afterlife, providing maps of the underworld and the best way to avoid dangers on one’s way to paradise.

deshret (or Red Crown): The crown, with a square base that curved upward into a point and had a coil spiraling out in front, was worn by the rulers of Lower Egypt.

djed: A representation of the spine, it symbolized stability. A djed amulet was often placed in coffins, where the backbone of the deceased would lay, to ensure eternal life. During a Sed festival, the pharaoh, with the help of priests, would raise a djed column. 

Duat: The underworld, home of the gods Osiris, Anubis and Ma’at, as well as many grotesque monsters. The sun deity Ra travels through the Duat every night, where he battles the serpent Apep, or Apophis. This is where a deceased person’s soul travels for judgment. 

Eye of Horus (aka udjat eye or wedjat eye): A falcon’s eye that acts as a protective talisman and symbolizes rebirth after death. Its origins lie in a myth where the evil god Set plucks out one of his nephew Horus’ eyes. 

faience: A powdered quartz paste that ranges in color from turquoise to teal. Modeled and sometimes fired, it was commonly used for jewelry, pottery and sculptures.

hedjet (or White Crown): The crown of Upper Egypt, it’s often irreverently (but accurately) described as looking like a bowling pin.

hieroglyphs: Think of them as the emojis of their day. Often mistakenly called hieroglyphics, they make up the system of pictorial writing used in Ancient Egypt. Though they sometimes represented the actual objects they depicted, hieroglyphs usually stood for particular sounds. 

Horus name: Beginning in the Predynastic Period, pharaohs would take on an additional name, cementing their relationship with the falcon-headed god Horus. The pharaoh oversaw their entire country and, like the bird of prey, could strike at enemies below. 

hypostyle hall: The reception area of a temple. Originally, most would have had a roof over rows of densely packed columns with capitals depicting palms, papyri or lotuses to represent the lush island of creation.

ka: The best way to describe this is as a soul — it’s someone’s other self, what makes them unique. It’s with a person throughout their life, but upon death the ka and the body become separate. The body has to be preserved, and the ka nourished, or it will starve and cease to exist. It’s represented as a human with upraised arms — or just the arms raised at a 90-degree angle. 

khepresh (or Blue Crown): Often worn by pharaohs when going into war, the khepresh was a blue headpiece with a uraeus on the brow.

kohl: Black powder made from galena ore (the chief source of lead) mixed with oil and used as an eyeliner by women and men.

Lower Egypt: The Ancient Egyptian worldview was upside-down compared to ours. Lower Egypt was the northern half of Egypt, so called because the Nile flows north before entering the Mediterranean Sea. Its capital was Memphis.

ma’at (aka maat): The principle of balance and cosmic order, personified by a goddess of the same name. It was a pharaoh’s duty to rule according to ma’at.

mammisi: A birth house, where a woman would go to deliver a child and recover for two weeks or so. These chapels were often situated in front of a temple and were said to be where a god had been born.

mastaba: A type of tomb first created in the Old Kingdom. From the Arabic word for “bench,” they were rectangular and flat-roofed, with a substructure belowground. As time went on, architects stacked stories atop them, leading to step pyramids and, eventually, the triangular pyramids like those at Giza.

nemes: A striped head covering worn by pharoahs. It covered the brow and skull, hung down on the side to rest on the shoulders, and was drawn together in the back in a sort of ponytail. King Tut was a fan. 

Opening of the Mouth: A ceremony held at the tomb, where the mouth of a mummy was symbolically opened so the dead could use their senses in the afterlife.

Opet: A festival held during the inundation, or flooding of the Nile. The statue of the chief god Amun would travel upon a barque from his sanctuary at Karnak to Luxor Temple.

papyrus: The writing surface used by Egyptian scribes. Derived from the pith of the stalks of papyrus, which grew along the banks of the Nile, the plant was also used to make boats, sandals, baskets and rope. 

pectoral: An elaborate necklace that covered much of the chest.

pharaoh: The supreme ruler of Ancient Egypt. He or she (there are a few times when a woman took the throne, like the remarkable Hatshepsut) was considered a god.

pschent (or the Double Crown): A combination of the deshret and hedjet crowns, it showed that the pharaoh controlled both Lower and Upper Egypt.

pylon: A massive gateway leading into a temple. Some held rooms, like the one for the harem at Medinet Habu.

Pyramid Texts: The earliest religious texts of Ancient Egypt. These spells, religious beliefs and myths were inscribed on the walls of Fifth and Sixth Dynasty pyramids (2465-2150 BCE). They were used to magically transform the deceased into the god of the afterlife, Osiris. Composed of 2,217 spells grouped into 714 “utterances,” they gave way to the Coffin Texts.

rekhyt: A stylized lapwing bird with wings spread and human arms raised in adoration, representing the general populace or the pharaoh's subjects. When depicted on the walls of ancient temples, it signified that the public was allowed in that area. 

sarcophagus: A large stone container that held a mummy's coffin. Its name comes from the Greek sarkophagos, meaning “flesh-eater.”

Sed: A festival of rejuvenation that renewed the powers of a pharaoh, it was usually — but not always — held in their 30th year of rule.

senet: A game played in Ancient Egypt. No one knows the rules, but they think it was a bit like chess. Pieces were usually fashioned from animal bone or clay. 

shabti (also shawabti or ushabti): A small mummy statuette of a servant placed in tombs that could be magically brought to life to perform tasks for the deceased in the afterlife.

sistrum: A sacred rattle made of a wood, metal or clay frame set loosely with crossbars strung with small metal discs. It was shaken during ritual dances for the goddess Hathor and later Isis.

sphinx: A mythological beast with the body of a lion that usually had the head of a pharaoh or god. The famous one sits outside Cairo at Giza. 

stele (also stela): An upright slab of stone that served as a monument, inscribed with religious or historical text.

Upper Egypt: The southern half of the kingdom of Ancient Egypt. It’s called Upper Egypt because the Nile River flows northward, from Upper to Lower Egypt. Its capital was Thebes.

uraeus: A rearing cobra in a threatening pose that represented divine authority, worn as a crown or head ornament by Ancient Egyptian divinities and rulers. It showed that the pharaoh had the protection of the goddess Wadjet, the patroness of Lower Egypt.

vizier: The second in command after the pharaoh. The role held many responsibilities, including administration of the government, security, judgement and the safety of the empire.

was scepter: A staff that’s often forked at the bottom and topped with the head of a creature, possibly the Bennu bird, a mythological heron who wears the atef crown. Carried by gods and pharaohs, the was scepter stood for power and dominion. –Wally

The Legend of Hoan Kiem Lake in the Hanoi Old Quarter

A magical sword with the power to change fate is given to the warrior king Le Loi by a golden turtle who lives deep beneath the waters of  Hoan Kiem Lake. 

Legend has it that beneath the waters of Hoan Kiem Lake in the Hanoi Old Quarter, a turtle god guards a magic sword.

Hoan Kiem Lake, the tranquil body of water located within Hanoi’s Old Quarter, plays an important role in Vietnamese mythology. While there are several variations of the tale, all include the central figure of Le Loi, a great warrior defending Vietnam from the Ming Dynasty of China, as well as a fisherman, a deified golden turtle and Thuan Thein, a powerful weapon bequeathed to Le Loi by a Dragon King.

“Imbued with magic, the sword enlarged Le Loi to giant size and gave him the strength of 1,000 men, bringing one victory after another, until he was able to vanquish the invading Chinese army. ”

Emperor Le Loi holds his magic sword, which could transform him into a giant, while Kim Qui, the golden turtle god, looks on.

Le Loi and Le Than: The Warrior and the Fisherman

Le Loi was a real person who lived in the 1400s. A revolutionary who became emperor, he began a dynasty that would last 360 years. 

According to the nation’s founding myth, the Vietnamese people are the offspring of a sea dragon and a mountain fairy. With such fantastical creatures running around, perhaps it’s not surprising that a local god, Long Vuong, called the Dragon King, happened to possess a magical sword.

The legend of Le Loi as depicted on a Vietnamese stamp

The weapon was divided into two parts: the blade and its handle. The blade was discovered in Than Hóa Province by a fisherman named Le Than. Believing he had caught a big fish, he was bewildered to find a long thin piece of metal entangled in his net. He tossed it back into the water and recast his net in a different location. He was puzzled to have the same thing happen again. When the sword ended up in his net for a third time, he accepted his fate and decided to take it home with him. 

Meanwhile, the young general Le Loi set out to assemble an army. While recruiting from the surrounding villages, he paid a visit to the province of Than Hóa, happening to stop at the fisherman’s home. Though the interior was dimly lit, the blade unexpectedly emitted a shimmering glow in Le Loi’s presence. Le Than sold the blade to Le Loi, which was inscribed with the words “Thuan Thein” (According to Heaven’s Will).

There was only one problem — there wasn’t a safe way to grasp it. 

Sometime later, while fleeing the Ming army, Le Loi climbed a banyan tree to conceal himself, and it was there that he discovered the sword’s hilt. The two pieces fit together perfectly. Problem solved.

Imbued with magic, Thuan Thein enlarged Le Loi to giant size and gave him the strength of 1,000 men. The sword brought Le Loi one victory after another, until he was able to vanquish the invading Chinese army. 

With echos of the Le Loi legend, King Arthur returned his magic sword, Excalibur, to the Lady of the Lake.

The Lake of the Restored Sword

Like the legend of Excalibur, the magical weapon wielded by King Arthur, Thuan Thein had to be returned to its watery source. After the war, Le Loi rowed out onto Luc Thuy, Green Water Lake, in Hanoi’s Old Quarter, and was met by the golden turtle god Kim Qui. In a human voice, it asked Le Loi to return the sword to its divine owner, lest it corrupt him. The noble emperor drew the sword and cast it into the lake. With great speed, Kim Qui caught the sword in its mouth and retreated to the bottom of the lake, never to be seen again. 

A relief from Trấn Quốc Pagoda, on an island in Hoan Kiem Lake, features the turtle deity with the magic sword strapped on its back.

To commemorate this extraordinary event, Le Loi renamed the lake Hoan Kiem, Lake of the Restored Sword.

Turtle Tower, or Thap Ruá, sits in the middle of Hoan Kiem on a small island, built to honor the tale of the Restored Lake and its guardian, Kim Qui.

A stone structure now rises from a small islet in the lake. Known as Thap Ruá, or Turtle Tower, it was built to honor Kim Qui, the magical aquatic guardian of the sword. –Duke

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VISIT the Temple of the Jade Mountain in Hoan Kiem Lake in the Hanoi Old Quarter

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The Story of Moses, the 10 Plagues of Egypt and the Exodus

A concise summary of the Old Testament book of Exodus, from the burning bush to the parting of the Red Sea. 

Don’t upset a friend of Yahweh or you might end up with a dead son, as the pharaoh of Egypt did in the Old Testament tale of the Exodus. Death of the Firstborn by Lawrence Alma-Tadema, 1872

The poor Hebrews of the Old Testament. For years, they just couldn’t catch a break. 

This ethnic group, which traces its roots to the 12 tribes formed by the sons and grandsons of Jacob, grew in power over 430 years. But the pharaoh of Egypt, fearing he would be betrayed to one of his many enemies, enslaved the Hebrews and forced them into construction gangs. 

“To save their firstborns, Yahweh gave his Chosen People a secret code: Sacrifice a lamb and smear its blood on the doorposts.

That way Yahweh knew to spare that child by passing over the home — the origin of the Jewish festival of Passover (get it?). ”

Things got even worse after that. In a despicable form of population control, the pharaoh ordered that all male Hebrew children be drowned in the Nile. One child, though, from the tribe of Levi, was set adrift in a basket woven from bulrushes. It floated along until rescued by one of the pharaoh’s daughters. The child was given the name Moses, from the Hebrew root “to draw out,” and was raised in the royal court.

Pharaoh’s daughter rescued baby Moses in his basket adrift upon the Nile, as shown in another painting by Alma-Tadema, The Finding of Moses, from 1904.

When he grew into adulthood, Moses saw an Egyptian taskmaster flaying a Hebrew slave with a whip. Moses flew into a rage and killed the taskmaster, hiding the body in the sand. He still worried he’d be caught, though, and fled into the wilderness. This is where he heard the voice of the God of Israel, who revealed his mystical name, YHWH (throw in some vowels and you get Yahweh). The voice came from the depths of a burning bush that didn’t get consumed by the flames. It told Moses that he’d be the savior of his people and would lead them out of Egypt. 

Moses and the Burning Bush, Edward Knippers, 2008

But did the event predicted by the talking bush, the Exodus, really happen? What does archeological and historical evidence reveal?

The plague of locusts devoured every last plant living in Egypt.

Out of Egypt: Escape of the Hebrew Slaves

Back to the beleaguered Hebrews. Pharaoh, taking out his wrath toward Moses, intensified the suffering of the slaves. Yahweh told Moses to give the pharaoh a warning that he’d better let the Hebrews go — or else. That “or else” turned out to be the 10 plagues, starting off with the Nile turning to blood, working through frogs, gnats, flies, a livestock disease, boils, hail, locusts and darkness, and ending with the slaughter of every firstborn in Egypt. 

In one of the plagues, Yahweh caused the livestock of Egypt to contract a fatal disease.

To save their firstborns, Yahweh gave his Chosen People a gruesome secret code: Each Hebrew family sacrificed a lamb and smeared its blood on their doorposts. That way Yahweh knew to spare that child by passing over the home — the origin of the Jewish festival of Passover (get it?). 

Yahweh swept through Egypt, laying waste to all the firstborns as depicted in this creepy painting And There Was a Cry in Egypt by Arthur Hacker from 1897.

Pharaoh didn’t learn his lesson. When the 600,000 or so slaves fled on foot into Canaan, the Egyptian ruler decided to pursue them. Yahweh parted the Red Sea, allowing the Hebrews to pass through, and then brought the waters crashing down upon the Egyptians. 

The Red Sea parted for the Hebrew slaves seeking freedom in the Exodus — but came crashing back down to drown the pursing Egyptians.

Moses and the Ten Commandments by Barbara Goshu

The Ten Commandments: Thou Shalt Not Piss Off the Lord God

The Hebrews were hardly models of propriety. Moses was up on Mount Sinai getting the Ten Commandments written upon stone tablets from Yahweh, and by the time he returned, his people had started worshipping a golden calf. 

Those fickle Hebrews. Moses wasn’t gone too long before they started worshipping a false idol, as seen in Nicolas Poussin’s The Adoration of the Golden Calf from 1634.

Moses was so upset he threw the stone tablets onto the ground, shattering them, and had to have God write up a new set. 

Later, when spies reported that the cities of Canaan were well fortified and populous, the Hebrews had the gall to rebel against Moses, insisting they’d rather go back to being Egyptian slaves! At least their physical safety would be assured, they reasoned. 

Well, this understandably pissed off Yahweh, who questioned his decision to name the Hebrews his Chosen People. They didn’t deserve no Promised Land; instead he decided to force them to wander the wilderness for 40 years to think about what they had done wrong. –Wally

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Did the Exodus really happen? See what the evidence says!

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The Real Monsters of Harry Potter Wizards Unite

What magical creatures come from folklore — and did the augmented reality game get the details right? A glossary of famous monsters, including gnomes, hippogriffs, leprechauns, mandrakes, phoenixes and trolls.

Many of the creatures from the mobile game Harry Potter: Wizards Unite have their roots in actual folklore.

Harry Potter: Wizards Unite features some monsters we know well — vampires, werewolves, unicorns and the like — but there are some odd ones you’ll encounter as well. Some of these creatures spring entirely from the impressive imagination of J.K. Rowling, such as those naughty Nifflers and dreadful Dementors. 

But many of the monsters that appear in the addictive AR game have their origins in folklore and mythology from around the world. 

“Some kappa are pranksters, making fart noises and peeking under kimonos.

But others are dangerous, drowning livestock, eating children and raping women.”

The Abraxan winged horse from the Harry Potter universe is based on one of the flying steeds that pulled the Greek sun god Helios’ chariot across the sky.

Abraxan

I’m not sure who would want to drink a potion with horse hair in it, even if it does make you stronger in battle. But Abraxan hair is one of the ingredients in the Strong Exstimulo Potion in the Wizards Unite game.

A little digging reveals where Rowling got the inspiration for these winged steeds: Abraxas was one of four immortal horses that pulled the sun god Helios’ chariot across the sky each day in Greek myth.

A depiction of a boggart from The Spiderwick Chronicles. They can change their shapes at will.

Boggart

Many of the Foundables in the game must face their worst fears when a shapeshifting boggart emerges from its cabinet. Clever Ron is terrified of spiders (like me), but once he casts Riddikulus, roller skates suddenly appear on all eight legs of the arachnid-shaped boggart, causing the creature to slip and bumble in all directions and making it more comical than creepy.

“The world is full of fairies, and if anyone tells you it isn’t, don’t you believe them.” So begins this helpful tome, published in 1956.

Boggarts love to cause mischief, like taking a baby out of its crib.

In English folklore, boggarts are mischief-makers, pulling the covers off you when you sleep, moving furniture, turning milk sour or even taking a baby out of its crib and placing it on the floor. They typically don’t hurt humans, though the threat of throwing a child down a boggart-hole often worked wonders in getting them to behave. Because boggarts are described in such differing ways — human-sized, able to fit in your palm, resembling an animal, invisible — these monsters are believed to be shapeshifters.

The creepy Erkling from Wizards Unite looks like a demented cousin of Jack Frost.

Erkling

In the game, these hideous creatures, with their skeletal frame, large red eyes and nose like a misshapen carrot, attack you with blowdarts. 

Saying that you won’t dance with a erlking or join it in fairyland could be the last thing you ever do.

Erlkings are often shown as crowned, flying spirits following those on horseback.

Rowling transposed two letters, drawing inspiration from the erlking, a woodland spirit of Scandanavian and Germanic origin. Based on their depictions in illustrations and paintings, they appear as humans, wrapped in flowing robes and flying, ghostlike, above those on horseback. Sometimes an erlking wears a crown, in reference to the origin of the word, which means “elf king.” While similar creatures are mere tricksters, erlkings are willing to kill humans for doing something like refusing to dance with them or venture into fairyland. Others are said to prey on children. But it could also be that erlkings are merely omens of death, appearing to those doomed to soon die.

This cheeky Gnome Confoundable is waving a fart at us!

Gnome

Forget those statues in your garden of a small humanlike creature with a white beard and rosy cheeks, dressed in a blue tunic and pointy red cap. The gnomes of Wizards Unite have mottled green skin and horns atop their heads. They flounder around in a comical manner, and I can’t help but laugh no matter how many times I see that one gnome wafting its stinky fart in my direction to keep me from the Beater’s bat.

Wally stole — er, permanently borrowed — this book from his neighbors, knowing he’d appreciate it much more than they would.

Gnomes are diminutive creatures of the earth and mountains from European folklore. These shy supernatural folk avoid humans but befriend birds, rabbits, foxes, hedgehogs and squirrels (though they have a particular dislike of cats). They can move through stone as easily as we do through air. Some tales say they turn to stone in the sun, which could explain why it’s only during the nighttime that they sneak out to help with gardening. 

Hippogriffs, part eagle, part horse, can be dangerous!

Hippogriff

Many of us are familiar with Buckbuck, whom Harry and his friends save from execution and is one of the Foundables from the Forbidden Forest in the Wizards Unite game. 

In this 1824 painting by Louis-Édouard Rioult, a knight named Roger, riding his hippogriff mount, saves a woman, Angelica, from a sea monster.

A hippogriff is the offspring of a mare and a griffin, itself a magical creature. Because griffins typically hunt horses, hippogriffs are extremely rare and became symbols of something deemed impossible. When the two creatures do mate, the result is a mishmash, with the forefront of an eagle and the hind quarters of a horse. 

When Mare and Griffin meet and mate
Their offspring share a curious fate.
One half is Horse with hooves and tail,
The rest is Eagle, claws and nail.

As a Horse it likes to graze
In summer meadows doused in haze,
Yet as an Eagle it can fly
Above the clouds where dreams drift by.

With such a Beast I am enthralled,
The Hippogriff this beast is called.

–“The Hippogriff” by Arnold Sundgaard

They’re able to be tamed and make swift steeds, as many a knight and wizard has learned.

The Horned Serpent you must battle in Harry Potter: Wizards Unite

Horned Serpent

One of the Oddities that’s a bit more difficult to defeat, this monster is exactly what its name describes: a giant snake with — you guessed it! — horns. It’s also one of the four houses at Ilvermorny, the unfortunately named U.S. equivalent of Hogwarts. Horned Serpent students are smarties, most likely making them the equivalent of Ravenclaws.

Many Native American tribes had a version of the horned serpent in their folk tales.

These supernatural spirits were primarily water based and could perform powerful magic.

While these mythic creatures from Native American folklore sometimes travel on ground, they’re most often found in rivers and lakes. It seems that each indiginous tribe has its own version of the horned serpent, but they’re almost always powerful supernatural spirits, with powers ranging from shapeshifting and invisibility to hypnosis and healing. Many are also said to control the weather, causing rain, earthquakes and floods.

Watch out for kappa! They’re known to not only peek up kimonos but rape women as well.

Kappa

The kappa shows up in the Circus Calamitous special event in the game, with a head that seems to hold water like a bowl, barnacles stuck to its skin and a Fu Manchu mustache.

The creature derives from Japanese mythology, described as an amphibian humanoid with webbed feet and hands, a beak and a turtle shell upon its back, dwelling in rivers and ponds. 

Some kappa are mere pranksters, making fart noises and peeking under kimonos. But others are dangerous, drowning livestock, eating children (though they’re also fond of cucumbers) and raping women.

The turtle-like kappas’ weakness is the dents on top of their heads, which must always be filled with water.

They do indeed have a small bowl-like dent in their heads called a sara, the source of their magical powers, which must always be filled with water. If they’re on land and you refill its sara, a kappa will be indebted to you for life. 

James Browne’s leprechaun is a cobbler and has a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow.

Leprechaun

These little buggers throw clods of dirt at you in Wizards Unite, making it oh-so-satisfying when you cast a spell that sends one flying into the air. 

Leprechauns often have treasure — but they’ll do their best to trick you out of getting it.

The Harry Potter game loves its diminutive tricksters, so it’s no surprise leprechauns are featured. These creatures from Irish folklore are quite well known to Americans, thanks to St. Patrick’s Day — though the children’s cereal Lucky Charms has a part to play as well. You can easily picture a leprechaun: a small humanoid with a red beard and a green outfit, from its top hat to its buckled shoes. It wasn’t until the 20th century, though, that the color scheme turned to green — originally, leprechauns dressed in red.

This leprechaun on a vintage St. Patrick’s Day card is probably drunk.

These creatures haunt wine cellars and, playing to a stereotype about the Irish, are famous drunks. In many cases, they’re shoemakers, and you’ll find their pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. If you capture one, you can usually get him to hand over his treasure. Some tales say that those who catch a leprechaun will be granted three wishes. But beware: These naughty fairies will do everything they can to trick you out of your reward. 

A baby mandrake root as seen in the Hogwarts greenhouses.

Mandrake

Who can forget the scene where Harry and his Hogwarts classmates must pull screaming baby mandrakes out of a pot, being sure to wear earmuffs as protection from their horrific wails? 

Mandrakes were popular inclusions in medieval manuscripts.

It’s handy to have a dog you don’t like around when harvesting a mandrake.

These unusual plants actually exist — though it’s highly doubtful that they spring from the fat, blood and semen of a hanged man. Mandrakes are a member of the nightshade family and have hallucinogenic properties. Their roots often form humanlike shapes, leading to the belief that they held various powers over the body.

Dioscurides, a first century Greek physician, states that mandrake boiled in wine was used as an anesthetic in Ancient Rome. Too much, though, could be fatal. And the barren Rachel of Genesis seems to have finally gotten pregnant thanks to the magical properties of the mandrake.

This powerful plant could bring good fortune, riches or power. Slip one shaped like a baby under your pillow and you might conceive a child. Put one that resembles a woman into your pocket, and that gal you’ve got your eye on is sure to fall for you.

The humanlike mandrake root was said to emit a fatal screech when pulled out of the ground.

These ladies are using string to yank out mandrakes — I sure hope they have their ears plugged with wax!

Because the plant emits a fatal shriek when uprooted, harvesting it was a dangerous activity. The only way to safely go about this is to plug your ears with wax and tie one end of a rope around the mandrake and the other to a dog. Throw a treat, which the dog will chase after — yanking the mandrake root out of the ground. Of course, the mandrake will emit its lethal scream, killing the poor doggie instantly (though I’m not sure why you can’t try plugging the pooch’s ears with wax as well).

The adorable mooncalf from Wizards Unite

Mooncalf

No matter how many times I see that poor little guy, with its huge blue eyes, chained up in the game, my heart breaks a little. Sure he’s a misshapen beast with webbed feet, but he’s downright adorable in his way.

The moon could botch a pregnancy, resulting in a horrifically deformed creature called a mooncalf.

Mooncalves in folklore aren’t always bovine: Perhaps the first reference dates back to Shakespeare’s play The Tempest, where the deformed creature Caliban is said to be the offspring of a witch and a devil.

Poor Caliban, a mooncalf created by Shakespeare

Caliban and a couple of other characters from The Tempest

The beasts get their name from the belief that the moon can exert a sinister influence over a pregnancy, resulting in a child that’s monstrously deformed, pale and mentally deficient. 

A Mountain Troll Confoundable isn’t too fond of the Flesh-Eating Slugs (but really, who would be)?

Mountain Troll

In the mobile game, these dimwitted, lumbering giants guard numerous Foundables, including the Mirror of Erised, which reveals that their heart’s desire is…a female of the species. Trolls — they just want to be loved, too. 

Trolls from a 1915 illustration by the Swedish artist John Bauer

Trolls originated in Norway, where they’re a proud part of the national heritage — despite being hideous and cruel monsters (though the females are often said to be quite comely). Wizards Unite and the world of Harry Potter got one thing right about them: They’re great of strength and weak of brain. The good news is that because trolls are so stupid, if you’re caught by one, you just might be able to trick your way out of danger. If you’re not clever enough, though, you could get smashed by a tree used as a club or crushed by a stone hurled by a troll. Or, you might be the troll’s next meal. 

Duke and Wally got attacked by the trolls at the Morton Arboretum outside of Chicago, part of a fun exhibit by Thomas Dambo.

Their skin is gray and tough as stone, their hair wild and unkempt. Like the folklore concerning gnomes, trolls will turn to stone if caught in the sun’s rays. Some of the mountain outcroppings in Norway are the remains of unlucky trolls. 

Trolls that get caught out at sunrise turn instantly to stone.

In some tales, trolls have a particular dislike of Christians and never pass up a chance to wreak havoc on a church — perhaps because church bells are said to ward them off. (Incidentally, they also run in terror from thunder.)

The phoenix gets consumed in flames, only to be reborn from the ashes.

Phoenix

Dumbledore’s companion phoenix is named for Guy Fawkes Day, a strange British holiday with pagan origins that involves bonfires and the burning of an effigy.

That’s because the famous headmaster of Hogwarts’ phoenix shares a bizarre trait with the mythological creature: After living for 1,000 or so years, the gorgeous eagle-like bird grows old and frail before finally bursting into flames. But fear not — the phoenix will be reborn from its ashes, and the cycle will continue. That’s why phoenixes are associated with resurrection.

Phoenix tears are believed to have healing powers, and no one can tell a lie when this creature is nearby.

A page from a medieval bestiary shows a phoenix. Christians liked how the fabled bird symbolized resurrection.

The phoenix is said to have come from Paradise. Its fable began in Arabia and became popular in Ancient Greece and Rome. The majestic bird is covered in brilliant feathers of red, purple and gold. Its tears are said to have regenerative powers, and some say no one can tell a lie when the bird is near.

The pain-in-the-ass pixies you’ll find throughout the Wizards Unite game

Pixie

In the game, these little pests are hard to aim at, as they flit about during challenges — but they’re usually pretty easy to defeat once you land a shot.

Pixies, a variety of which is shown here, from The Spiderwick Chronicles, really just wanna have fun.

This source claims that pixies choose to look like hedgehogs, though most say they have wings like a butterfly or dragonfly.

While the pixies of Harry Potter are troublemakers, that’s not how they’re depicted in British folklore. The diminutive fairy-like creatures are giddy merrymakers who will give you a blessing if you recite a poem or present them with a pretty ribbon (they’re not good at making clothes, so they tend to dress in rags). Pixies sometimes have blue- or green-tinted skin, pointed ears, and wings like those of a butterfly or dragonfly.

One of Halbot K. Browne’s illustrations from the 1854 book A Peep at the Pixies by Anna Eliza Bray

Their magic can make a child smile, a maiden dance or a traveler lose their way (indeed, some disoriented voyagers would gripe about being “pixy-led”). Plants near them grow at an accelerated speed.

Whatever you do, don’t make fun of a pukwudgie. They’re not typically malevolent, but they could cause great harm if you don’t treat them with respect.

Pudwudgie

Rowling offers a variant spelling of the Native American creature known as a pukwudgie. These spirits of the forest are gray-skinned, about 3 feet tall and resemble humans, aside for their bulbous noses and enlarged ears. Like many other fey creatures, they’re sometimes mischievous, sometimes malicious — especially to those who don’t treat them with respect. Their magical powers include being able to turn invisible, confuse people, shapeshift into cougars or other dangerous animals and harm a person with a stare. A particularly vile pukwudgie might push you off a cliff, shoot a flaming arrow at you or kidnap your child. 

No one can seem to agree on exactly what a re’em looks like.

Re’em

If you want to brew an Exstimulo potion, you’ll have to scoop up little pools of re’em blood. Who knew this was an actual creature from Jewish folklore?

Like many of these monsters, there’s a debate about what a re’em actually looks like. One thing’s for certain: It’s massive. Some sources interchange it with a unicorn, but many describe it as an ox-like creature. 

One story about Noah’s Ark tells of a unicorn-like re’em being towed behind it because the giant beast wouldn’t fit on the boat.

A Jewish tale says that there are only two re’em at any given time: one male and one female. For 70 years, they exist on opposite sides of the Earth, but then come together to mate — after which the female slays the male with a single bite. When she finally gives birth, her stomach bursts open, killing her instantly. But she always gives birth to twins: one male, one female. They head off in different directions for 70 years, until…well, you know the drill.

Evidence points to the re’em being a giant aurochs, like those painted at the Lascaux caves.

Another story tells of King David, back when he was a shepherd. He climbed upon a re’em, thinking it was a mountain. He told God that he would build Him a temple as high as the re’em itself if he could get down safely. God sent a lion, the king of the beasts, and when the re’em bowed down in submission, David hopped off. 

An alert for Fluffy, the Three-Headed Dog once cared for by Hagrid

Three-Headed Dog

Hagrid never met a monster he didn’t love, and that includes the vicious three-headed hound to whom he gave the ridiculous name of Fluffy. 

Cerberus, the original three-headed dog, shown in this William Blake illustration, guards the gates of Hades in Greek mythology.

The original three-headed hell hound was called Cerberus. It guarded the entrance to Hades, devouring anyone who tried to leave the underworld. The only person to sneak past this monstrous watchdog was Orpheus, who played music so sweet it soothed the savage beast and lulled him to sleep.

Hercules and Cerberus by Peter Paul Rubens, 1636

The Greek hero Herakles, aka Hercules, had to capture Cerberus as the last of his 12 labors. Despite being bitten by the creature’s snakelike tail, Herakles managed to choke Cerberus until he passed out.

The Wizards Unite version of a zouwu

Zouwu

The zouwu appears in the Circus Calamitous event and was so strange, I had to wonder if it sprung from Rowling’s imagination. 

The mythic Chinese zouwu is actually a docile, lucky creature.

But no — it’s a legendary Chinese monster. Despite resembling a fierce big cat (sometimes described as a lion, sometimes a tiger), the zouwu is a gentle, vegetarian beast that’s seen as a good omen. The Harry Potter version has a strange pink tail like a ruffled dress, but in Chinese mythology, it’s only said that the tail is longer than its body. If you ride upon one, you can cover 1,000 miles in a day. 

The AR game is even more fun when you know the origins of the creatures that populate its world.

As you battle or rescue various creatures in the Harry Potter: Wizards Unite game, don’t get too caught up staring at your phone. You’ll want to be prepared if you happen to encounter one of these monsters in real life! –Wally

Monster Theory: A Q&A With Liz Gloyn

Beware! Medusa, the Sphinx, Cerberus and other monsters reveal the greatest fears of a society. 

Saint Martha Taming the Tarasque, circa 1500

There’s young Wally, curled up on the loveseat in the living room (the one his mother constantly tells him not to sit on), with D’Aulaires’ Book of Greek Myths or the D&D Monster Manual. 

The original Monster Manual used to play Dungeons & Dragons

From an early age, I’ve always loved monsters. Of course I imagined myself as a hero, and that often entailed slaying monsters — usually with magic. But I always found something sympathetic about monsters. To me, they often seemed misunderstood and maligned. Yes, the Minotaur devoured innocent youths. But did he ask to be born a vicious half-breed, trapped in the Labyrinth? 

The monsters of myth continue to have a mass appeal, as evidenced by the vampire craze (think True Blood, Twilight, Interview With the Vampire and The Vampire Diaries). 

As my friend Heather’s little boy, Gulliver, explained to me about the Batman villain Two-Face, “He’s a likable baddie.” He paused, then continued, “He’s a baddie — but he’s a goodie to me.”

Couldn’t have said it better myself. 

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While scrolling though episodes of The History of Ancient Greece podcast, I was intrigued to see one that had an interview with Liz Gloyn, senior lecturer in Classics at Royal Holloway at the University of London and author of Tracking Classical Monsters in Popular Culture. Upon listening, I couldn’t help but wonder: Why didn’t my college offer courses on monster theory?!

Liz Gloyn, author of Tracking Classical Monsters in Popular Culture

I reached out to Dr. Gloyn, and she graciously agreed to answer some questions about monster theory and her obsession with things that go bump in the night. –Wally

What drew you to monsters in the first place?

To be perfectly honest, I got cross! I had come up with an idea about how the original Clash of the Titans film used monsters and wanted to read what people had said on this subject, but when I went to look at the existing literature, there was nothing there. I could have read all I wanted to on the representation of the famous Greek heroes — Perseus, Theseus, Hercules and the rest — but monsters got treated as if they were scenery. That didn’t make any sense to me, so after I had finished with the piece I wanted to write about Clash of the Titans, I decided it was time for the monsters to get some proper attention of their own. 

The Italian movie poster for the original Clash of the Titans, which came out in 1981

“It’s noticeable how many monsters turn out to be women — or, if they’re male, they’re hypersexualized and hyperviolent, reflecting what happens without the controlling influence of civilization. ”

— Liz Gloyn, University of London

What is monster theory?

Monster theory is the field of academic studies which seeks to explain and understand the function of monsters. It’s based on a very influential piece by a medievalist, Jeffrey Jerome Cohen, who set out seven theses of monster culture, or seven ways in which monsters manifest and make themselves known. 

Few could dream up creepy creatures like Hieronymus Bosch, who painted up horrorscapes in the late 1400s and early 1500s

Monster theory argues that monsters are cultural creations — that is, the particular fears and concerns of a given culture will generate monsters which reflect those fears and concerns. They might be about the “other,” whether you define that in terms of gender, sexuality, ethnicity or something else; they might be about behavioral taboos which need to be observed to keep society safe. And however hard a culture tries to banish a monster, it always comes back. 

How has the perception of monsters changed over the years?

In the ancient world, monsters were very much known by how they looked — you could spot a monster a mile off, although it was also possible to bump into one by accident if you were wandering around the forest not paying attention. 

What we’ve seen since antiquity is a move away from a monstrous outside necessitating a monstrous inside. The break begins with Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein, where the Creature is initially an innocent and only becomes monstrous when people treat him badly because of his appearance. 

The frontispiece to an 1831 edition of Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein

What we’re seeing in the 21st century is a major anxiety over not being able to spot a monster on sight — we fear things like the serial killer, the faceless evil government corporation and the imperceptible virus carrying a gruesome disease. That’s what makes the presence of classical monsters in popular culture even more interesting — they’re still immediately recognizable, and so out of step with more modern kinds of monstrosity, yet still have considerable appeal.

What’s the most surprising finding from your research on monsters?

I think what I’ve been most surprised by is the sheer range of modern interpretations of classical monsters out there. When people know you’re working on this stuff, they pass on every example that they come across, and some of the things that have been shared with me are really amazing: tattoos, bar signs, graffiti, as well as places you might expect to find them like computer games, films and books. 

Dr. Gloyn didn’t know Wally has a Medusa tattoo — though she’d hardly be surprised

I’ve been particularly interested to find how popular Medusa tattoos are. As a monster that can turn people to stone with a glance, she’s not the most obvious thing to have permanently inked on your arm, but she’s clearly been a very important choice for a lot of people. 

Head of Medusa by Peter Paul Rubens and Frans Snyders, circa 1618. Not too many people know that Medusa was a rape victim punished by being transformed into a monster

What monster has been most maligned in your opinion?

Historically, it does have to be Medusa — her origin myth as told to us by Ovid in his poem The Metamorphoses is pretty explicit that the transformation happens after Poseidon has raped her, specifically as a punishment from Athena.

When you hear Medusa’s story, you can’t help but feel some sympathy for her and be pleased that she’s such a badass, even after death

Ovid’s version has been the most read and most influential in post-classical cultures, but until recently Medusa’s rape was translated away as “seduction” or a similar euphemism. Thankfully, as Latin literature has been opened up to a wider audience and stopped being the province of elite white men, we’re starting to see more versions of the story which grapple with Medusa’s identity as a survivor of sexual violence, so that aspect of the myth is beginning to get the coverage it should have.

Centaurs were wild creatures hardly more civilized than the wild beasts attacking them in this mosaic

What does monster theory tell us about how women are perceived? Men? Any other groups?

Monster theory argues that monsters come into existence in order to help society articulate fears and concerns about people not belonging to the dominant group — so, given the social structures of patriarchy, it has quite a lot to say about how society monsters women! Particularly in Greek myth, it’s noticeable just how many monsters turn out to be women — or, if they’re male, like centaurs, they’re hypersexualized and hyperviolent, reflecting what happens without the controlling influence of civilization. 

The Rape of Hippodamia by Peter Paul Rubens, 1638. Drunken centaurs tried to carry off the bride at her wedding feast

What looking at monsters that map on to different groups of people really tells us is what kind of threat they are supposed to hold. We see this, for instance, in the demonization of sexually active women in figures like the Sirens, or the way that villains in Hollywood are so often queer-coded, even in films made this century. 

Every society and every time period will react to these threats differently, so while there are some patterns we can spot which repeat, each monster reflects back the particular concerns of the society that generated it.  

The Victorious Sphinx by Gustave Moreau, 1886. You had only one chance to get the riddle of the Sphinx right

What’s your favorite monster, and why?

I have a soft spot for Medusa, as you may already have noticed, but I’m going to say the Sphinx.

Oedipus and the Sphinx by Gustave Moreau, 1864. The wandering hero solves the riddle, so upsetting the Sphinx, she kills herself

Before Oedipus shows up and solves her riddle, she has been patiently sitting on the road to Thebes, saying her piece to every passing traveller and then, when they don’t listen to her properly and instead try to mansplain her riddle to her, eating them. I admit that this might be a slightly free interpretation of the myth, but it does strike me that Oedipus solves the riddle because he’s the first person to actually pay attention to what the Sphinx is saying, as opposed to all her previous victims who just thought that they’d understood her. 

Hercules and Cerberus by Peter Paul Rubens, 1637. Bad doggie! The three-headed pooch Cerberus guards the gates of Hell, but is caught by Hercules as one of his tasks

What monster would you least like to encounter?

Cerberus. I’m just not a dog person, let alone a three-headed dog person. 

Lesser-Known Egyptian Gods

Nut, Geb, Bes and Ptah, oh my! A who’s who of Egyptian deities.

Even if you’re familiar with the stars of the Ancient Egyptian pantheon like Osiris and Re, you probably don’t know some of their colorful cohorts. Meet the less well-known but still batshit crazy gods and goddesses who sport the head of a lion, crocodile, dung beetle and other creatures.

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RELATED: The Major Egyptian Gods

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Aten

Aka: Aton

Domain: The sun

Description: The sun with a uraeus (the sacred asp) at its base, with rays of light that each end in outstretched hands, some of which hold ankhs when shining upon anyone in the royal family.

Strange story: Historians believe that Pharaoh Akhenaten’s decree to abandon the old gods and worship only the Aten is the first instance of monotheism — and could very well have influenced the Jewish religion.

Bes

Aka: Aha

Domain: Protector of children and pregnant women

Description: A dwarf with a large head featuring bulging eyes, a protruding tongue, a beard and a lion’s mane. Sometimes depicted with a large belly and sagging breasts

Consort: Beset 

Strange story: Pilgrims would spend the night in incubation chambers covered with images of Bes and Beset to cure themselves of infertility or impotence.

Geb

Domain: Personification of the Earth, healing — colds, fevers and scorpion stings in particular

Description: A man lying on his side, one arm supporting himself, beneath his spouse, Nut, the personified sky. Grain sprouts from his ribs and vegetation from his back.

Consort: Nut

Strange story: His laughter is what causes earthquakes.

Hapi

Aka: Hapy

Domain: The yearly flooding of the Nile

Description: A man with a swollen belly, long hair and pendulous female breasts, sometimes with a cluster of papyrus on his head

Strange story: One ancient text relates that 1,089 goats were sacrificed to Hapi in a fertility rite.

Khepri

Domain: The sun

Description: A black scarab, or dung beetle, or a man with one for his head.

Strange story: Male scarabs push around small balls of dung. Ancient Egyptians believed that the sun, in turn, was pushed through the sky every day by Khepri.

Min

Aka: Amun-Min

Domain: Male virility

Description: A black mummified man who holds his wrappings in his right hand and his hard-on in his left, though he’s often shown with only one arm and one leg

Strange story: Offerings to Min depicted lettuce, a symbol of sex due to its semen-like milky sap.

Neith

Domain: War, creation, motherhood and the funerary process

Description: One of the oldest of the Egyptian pantheon, Neith’s iconography shifted through the centuries. She’s sometimes shown as a woman holding an ankh and was scepter or wearing the Red Crown of Lower Egypt. She’s also depicted holding a bow and arrow or a harpoon. As the mother of Sobek, she’s shown suckling a small crocodile at each breast. The goddess could also appear in the guise of a serpent or fish.

Strange story: She’s so wise that even the sun god Re comes to her for counsel. But if you don’t follow her advice, she gets so angry she’ll make the sky fall. 

Nut

Domain: The sky

Description: A naked woman bending over to form the heavens, her feet and hands on the horizon below. She’s sometimes depicted as a cow or sow.

Strange story: Every night, she swallows the sun, giving birth to it in the morning.

Ptah

Aka: Ptah-Nun

Domain: Creation and craftsmanship

Description: A mummified man with a long, thin erection, wearing a skull cap and false beard and carrying a scepter

Consort: Sekhmet

Strange story: While some believed that Ptah created the world on his potter’s wheel, others credited him with thinking or speaking the world into existence.

Sekhmet

Domain: Violence and healing

Description: A lion-headed woman

Consort: Ptah

Strange story: When the sun god Re grew old, his subjects plotted against him. To punish them, Re sent Sekhmet, who, in a destructive frenzy, went on a rampage, breathing fire and nearly wiping out the entire human race.

Sobek

Domain: Water

Description: A man with a crocodile head, sometimes wearing a headdress with tall feathers, horns and the sun

Strange story: Watch out, ladies! Sobek’s nickname is the Raging One because he’s known to “take women from their husbands whenever he wishes according to his desire.”

Taweret

Aka: Tawaret

Domain: Motherhood

Description: A grimacing hippo with sagging tits and a pregnant belly

Consort: Seth or Bes

Strange story: Containers made of faience were shaped like Taweret to hold breast milk. Two holes in the nipples allowed the milk to be poured out for magic rituals. –Wally

Alexander the Great: 8 WTF Facts About His Early Life

Young, bisexual, clever and brave: How this military genius was supposedly responsible for the destruction of one of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World, solved the Gordian knot, succeeded King Philip II of Macedon and almost died in his first battle against the Persian Empire.

This young man accomplished so much in his short time on Earth

Only the chosen few historical figures merit an epithet. But no one should begrudge Alexander being called the Great. In fact, “Great” doesn’t seem to do this military genius justice. 

I recently cruised through Philip Freeman’s highly entertaining history book, Alexander the Great. It helps that this ancient conqueror’s life, which was all too short, was nonetheless packed with dramatic moments. That’s not to diminish the author’s talent, though. Alexander the Great is as close to a novel as any history book could be.

“Attalus proceeded to rape Pausanias, and then invited all of his guests to do likewise.

After they were done, he was brought to the stables for the mule drivers, the lowliest of servants, to have their way with the unconscious young man as well.”

Here are eight surprising stories I learned about Alexander the Great’s early life.

What woman could resist seduction by Zeus, this sexy beast — even in the form of a lightning bolt? Certainly not Alexander’s mom!

1. His mother claimed he was the son of Zeus.

Alexander’s mother, Olympias, an intense woman who wasn’t afraid to fight for what she wanted, told him that he was wasn’t actually the son of King Philip II of Macedonia. Instead, he was the offspring of the king of the gods, Zeus, who seduced her in the form of a lightning bolt. How shocking! This revelation surely spurred on her son’s hubris as he set off with the humble goal of conquering the world. 

Alexander, who was born in 356 BCE, had been brought up believing he had divine ancestors on both sides: His mother was said to have been a relative of Achilles, the son of Thetis the nereid, a minor goddess of the sea. And his father Philip could trace his lineage back to Herakles (better known to us by his Roman name, Hercules), a demigod who was also the son of Zeus.

The Building of the Temple of Artemis at Ephesus by Hendrik van Cleve III. Do we have Alexander the Great to blame for its loss?

2. His birth became part of a legend about the destruction of one of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World.

Helping lend import to the birth of this astounding conqueror was a story that spread, claiming he was the cause of the complete annihilation of the Temple of Artemis at Ephesus. The goddess, you see, was out of town, attending Alexander’s birth, distracted while her temple burned to the ground. 

“The Persian priests known as Magi who were resident in Ephesus reportedly ran madly about the ruins of the temple beating their faces and declaring that one who would bring calamity on Asia had been born that day,” Freeman says. “Other writers more soberly pointed out that the highly flammable temple had been burned down repeatedly in the past and on this occasion had been set ablaze by a mentally disturbed man.”

Never let the truth get in the way of some good propaganda.

Alexander the Great much preferred battles to the bedroom

3. Alexander didn’t like sex or sleeping.

I’ve always thought of Alexander the Great as a gay superhero of sorts, but he had sexual relations with both males and females. He had three sons from various women, though he did seem to prefer boys, even from an early age. In fact, his overbearing mother, Olympias, was worried about his lack of interest in the ladies and went so far as to hire the hottest prostitute around, a Thracian beauty named Callixeina, to seduce her son. It didn’t work. 

“It seems that the unrestrained passion and subsequent weariness of lovemaking deeply troubled the young man,” Freeman writes. “As Alexander would confess years later, sex and sleep more than anything else reminded him that he was mortal.”

This handsome gent is King Philip II, father of Alexander the Great. Hell hath no fury like a gay guy scorned: One of his ex-lovers assassinated him

4. The assassin of his father, Philip II, partly blamed the king for his being gang-raped.

A noble page named Pausanias was quite the looker, and Philip took him as a lover. But once Pausanias was no longer an adolescent, Philip lost interest, the perv. Another royal courtier also named Pausanias (it must’ve been the Chris of Ancient Macedonia) became the king’s boy toy, and the first P was cast aside. L’il P, perhaps in part because his rival had spread rumors about him being a hermaphrodite slut, died in a battle against the Illyrians, trying to prove his manliness.

A general named Attalus was upset at the loss of one of his favorites and plotted revenge on the first Pausanias. He invited the young man to a feast, and instead of diluting the wine like usual, he plowed him with full-strength booze. Soon P had passed out on the couch. Attalus proceeded to rape him, and then invited all of his guests to do likewise. After they were done, P was brought to the stables for the mule drivers, the lowliest of servants, to have their way with the unconscious young man as well.

When he awoke the next day (sore, I’m sure), he found himself the laughing stock of the Macedonian court. As time went by, Pausanias decided to avenge himself. General Attalus had left to command troops in Asia, but King Philip was around. On the morning of the marriage of Philip’s daughter Cleopatra, Pausanias rushed the ruler and stabbed him in the chest, killing him. 

Pausanias’ conspirators betrayed him, the assassin was caught and killed, and his corpse was hung on a cross like a slave.

Sure, she looks sweet on this coin. But Alexander’s mother, Olympias, was anything but

5. Alexander’s mother was a baby-burning monster.

In the months after the king’s death, Olympias performed some horrific acts while Alexander was away. She forced Philip’s young widow, another Cleopatra, to watch as her infant daughter was roasted alive. Olympias then presented Cleopatra with three “gifts”: a rope, a dagger and poison, letting her choose her means of suicide. 

Alexander’s mother, Olympias, oversees the crucifixion of Pausanias, who murdered the king. She also ordered the death of a child and forced her rival to commit suicide (looks like she chose the rope)

“Alexander was reportedly shocked by his mother’s behavior, but he did not punish her,” Freeman writes.

Alexander Consulting the Oracle of Apollo by Louis Jean François Lagrenée. When you fancy yourself conqueror of the world, you don’t care if the Oracle at Delphi says she’s busy

6. Oracles helped bolster Alexander’s claim to divinity and predicted his success.

I’ve always wished we still had oracles — something about these mysterious priestesses who act as vessels for the gods, answering queries in nebulous riddles, has always appealed to me.

Alexander, too, was fascinated by oracles, as were many people at the time. So when he got to the famous Oracle of Delphi and learned that the priestess was in religious seclusion, not to be disturbed, Alexander barged into her lodgings and dragged her to the shrine. When the woman shouted, “You are invincible!” it must have been music to his ears.

Later, once he reached Egypt, Alexander marched his troops on a grueling trek through the desert to the oasis of Siwa, where another oracle resided, this one to the chief deity of the Egyptian pantheon, Amun. 

The priest, who had a thick accent while speaking Greek, greeted Alexander with a slight slip of the tongue. Instead of saying, “O my child,” it came out “O child of the god.” That was all Alexander needed to hear to cement his divine parentage. 

A slip of the tongue by a priest — and you could fancy yourself a demigod, like Alexander the Great did

It might seem strange to us to think that someone could actually believe they were born of a god. But keep in mind that Alexander was in Egypt, a land where the pharaohs who ruled over it had long claimed divine parentage; it was a large part of what legitimized their claim to the throne.

Alexander ended the session with the oracle by asking if he was destined to be master of all the world. 

The oracle nodded. It must have been a welcome surprise, as oracles are known for their frustratingly cryptic responses, which could interpreted in contradictory ways. But there’s not much to doubt from a nod of assent. 

“Alexander’s mother presented her rival with three “gifts”: a rope, a dagger and poison, letting her choose her means of suicide. ”

7. Alexander almost died in his first battle against the Persians.

Imagine how different things would have been if this mighty king had fallen so early in his campaign. During a melee packed with aristocrats at the Granicus River in 334 BCE, Alexander stabbed a man named Mithridates, the son-in-law of the Great King of Persia, right in the face, killing him. Distracted by this battle, Alexander didn’t notice another Persian nobleman, Rhoesaces, who struck a blow on his head so hard it broke his helmet in two. Alexander recovered enough to skewer Rhoesaces with his lance. As this was happening, the satrap, or provincial governor, raised his sword to kill Alexander. A veteran Macedonian soldier known as Black Cleitus rushed forward and cleanly sliced off the man’s arm at the shoulder, right as it hovered in its death blow above Alexander.

I told you: There’s no shortage of drama in this tale.

Sometimes it’s best to take the easy way out — if you can exploit a loophole like Alexander did when faced with a seemingly impossible task

8. Alexander had a controversial way of solving the challenge of the Gordian knot.

It was the stuff of legends: A knot attached to the yoke of a wagon at the temple of Zeus in the land of Phrygia was so complex, all those who tried to undo it failed. And plenty tried, for it was said that whoever could do so would rule all of Asia. 

That’s just the sort of challenge Alexander couldn’t resist. The knot was made of rough bark with no visible ends. Not wanting to lose face, Alexander took one look at the complex jumble, whipped out his sword and cut the knot in two.

That always felt a bit cheaty to me when I heard this tale — though you’ve got to respect the guy for so cleverly exploiting a loophole. –Wally

Bes, the Egyptian God Who’s Part Dwarf, Part Lion

As unlikely as it might seem, the ugly demon Bes was a much-loved guardian of the home and childbirth. Heck, he could even cure impotence.

Look for this block carving of Bes in the courtyard of Dendera.

We liked him instantly — perhaps because he’s so unlike all of the other gods and goddesses of Ancient Egypt we had seen carved onto temple walls and painted in the dark, narrow tombs. And since most of those deities feature animal heads, that’s saying something.

Even so, Bes is perhaps the most unique character in the Ancient Egyptian pantheon. I’d try to come up with my own colorful description, but once Duke read this to me, I figured why bother? I can’t top Alastair Sooke’s write-up in Frieze, who describes this “grotesque little fellow” so evocatively:

His physique is squat and stocky, with flabby man-boobs, pronounced buttocks and a pot-belly. He crouches as though he is about to defecate, so that his genitals dangle, prominently, between bandy legs. A wild beard frames his gargoyle’s face, along with a lion’s mane. Yet, his ferocious visage also has a playful aspect, since he sticks out his tongue, like a clown pulling a crude face.

I realized part of Bes’ uniqueness among his fellow Egyptian gods is that, aside from cow-eared Hathor, Bes is the only other deity depicted face-on. The rest of the pantheon are always shown in profile. 

Bes was a popular guardian deity, popping up on household items and amulets like this one.

The Household Guardian

For some reason, the ugly little bugger became a common household apparition. Artisans and craftsmen carved him onto beds and headrests, mirrors and makeup containers. His likeness is even found in the ruins of Amarna, where Pharaoh Akhenaten forbid all worship besides that of the sun disk, Aten. Bes was so popular that people might have been risking their lives to keep this protective imp in their homes.

Bes guarded households, much like gargoyles on a Catholic church or the hideous monsters outside a Thai temple. The name Bes came later, a logical choice given his role — besa means “to protect.”

A cosmetic jar shaped like Bes. Both sexes wore makeup, in part to protect from the sun and insects, so the connection to a protector god makes sense.

His worship goes back at least as far as the 1700s BCE, Egypt’s Middle Kingdom, though some scholars think Bes originated even earlier, in a more lionlike form. 

Bes, a conglomeration of numerous gods and monsters, was a fighter, protector, partier and clown.

Bes’ popularity was aided by the fact that he was also a god of humor, music and dancing. He knew how to have a good time. There weren’t any temples to Bes, he had no high priests or priestesses — and yet he was a favorite god across all classes, from the royal family down to the poorest laborer. There is evidence that someone would don a Bes costume during religious ceremonies. 

Priests might have dressed in a lionlike Bes costume during some rituals.

Ten or so deities and demons that shared characteristics with Bes became conflated with him, an ever-evolving leonine dwarf deity. In one of these earlier forms, Bes was known as Aha, or Fighter, and is shown strangling snakes with his bare hands. This explains why his image appears on knives as a protection charm for the wielder.

Aha, the god or demon who later morphed into Bes

By the New Kingdom, Aha had merged into Bes, when he was sometimes given an elaborate feathered headdress.

Bes developed moobs (man boobs) and a potbelly to evoke characteristics of a pregnant woman.

Protector of Pregnant Women and Childbirth

Bes also shows up on magic wands designed to help infants come into this world, and for the dead to leave it for the afterlife. The dwarf became associated with childbirth, protecting pregnant women. In fact, two magical spells mention a “dwarf of clay” that was placed on the belly of a woman in labor — giving birth was a particularly dangerous process back then, and women and newborns needed all the help they could get. Bes would dance, shout and shake his rattle to scare off evil spirits. 

In these depictions, Bes is shown with a protruding belly and fleshy breasts, probably to connect him to his role as protector of pregnant women. He was sometimes said to be the husband of Taweret, the hippo goddess of childbirth.

If a baby laughed or smiled for no reason, it was said that Bes must be nearby, making funny faces.

Bes mania spread throughout the Mediterranean, where he became, um, quite well endowed, to represent his connection to virility.

Incubation Chambers to Cure Infertility and Impotence

As a protector of the pregnant, it’s not too far a stretch to imagine why Bes later became associated with fertility and sexuality. The imp was given a nude female companion named Beset during the Ptolemaic Period (332‒30 BCE), and mud plaster images of them decorated “incubation chambers” at Saqqara. Pilgrims would spend the night here, hoping for erotic dreams to cure them of infertility or impotence.

Bes and Beset, his nude female companion, decorated incubation chambers, where pilgrims would sleep, praying to be cured of infertility or impotence.

Prostitutes were known to get tattoos of Bes on their thighs in the hope that he’d help prevent them from getting STDs. Other women might have gotten a similar tattoo to increase fertility.

Maybe you should get a tattoo on your thigh of Bes, like this carving at Philae, to protect you from venereal diseases!

The god even found his way to Pompeii, where he’s depicted in this fresco.

Simply the Bes

The Bes craze reached its peak during the Roman era. He became part of the Horus myth, protecting the falcon-headed infant from his murderous uncle Set. Worship of the tiny troll spread all around the Mediterranean. 

In another protector role, the dwarf god adorned mammisi, the birth houses that honored infant deities such as Horus. 

Who’d have known that this ugly squatting dwarf who’s sticking out his tongue would capture the hearts of so many for so long?

Bes became a mascot for the military, as well. Roman legionnaires put Bes in armor and gave him a sword and round shield. 

True to his origins as a war god, Bes became a mascot of Roman legionnaires.

It wasn’t until after the advent of Christianity that Bes finally got his own priesthood — oracles at Abydos, where he was said to have guarded the corpse of the death god Osiris. The cult of Bes drew an impressive crowd, until Emperor Constantius II shut down the operation around 359 CE. 

Bes confronts a sphinx in this bas relief from the Ptolemaic era.

While you’re exploring the ancient temples of Egypt, be on the lookout for this merry prankster, the dwarf Bes, with his genitals exposed and his curlicue beard adorning his oversized head. He’ll be sticking his tongue out at you, making you giggle even as he protects you from harm. –Wally